The One Habit That Helped Me Silence My Inner Critic

Have you ever felt like you’re constantly trying to improve, yet never quite feeling “enough”? That was my life for years—until I realized my relentless self-improvement wasn’t helping me grow. It was holding me back.

During my accounting career, I wanted to excel in every area of my life—friend, coworker, leader, accountant, horsewoman, you name it. I was determined to be the best version of myself.

On the surface, that sounds like a positive ambition. And it can be—until it turns toxic.

How Self-Criticism Took Over My Life

Recently, I listened to a portion of Atomic Habits by James Clear. In it, he explains the power of small, incremental changes over time—the compounding effect of daily habits. These seemingly tiny choices add up to create significant, long-term results.

This made me reflect on my own experience. For years, I thought the key to success was focusing on habits of self-improvement. Constantly scanning for ways to improve, I nitpicked every detail of my life. Nothing was ever good enough.

I unknowingly developed a habit of self-criticism.

The “One Less Method”

The breaking point came during a yoga retreat. My inner critic hissed, “You can’t even breathe right.” I gulped. I had spent so much time trying to get back to my true self. I was terrified. Is this who I really am? That moment hit me like a ton of bricks.

I realized that what I thought was making me better—this constant self-evaluation—was actually self-criticism. It stopped motivating me to do my best and was undermining everything I did.

That experience was the source of what I now call my One Less Method. It’s simple, but it transformed my relationship with myself.

Here’s what I did:

The next time my inner critic showed up, I made a conscious choice to give myself one less mental lashing.

If I criticized myself twenty times in an hour, my goal was to cut it down to nineteen the next time. Slowly but surely, twenty lashings turned into fifteen, and then into ten. Over time, my inner dialogue shifted.

This was what self-care looked like for me, at first: reducing the damage.

From Criticism to Curiosity

As I practiced my One Less Method, something remarkable happened.

Over time, I realized my inner critic wasn’t just a negative voice—it was a signal. It pointed out that I wasn’t aligned with what I truly cared about. Because I was chasing the wrong goals, even my accomplishments felt empty.

When I looked back on my time in accounting, I realized I had spent years trying to improve at something that didn’t truly matter to me. It was a recipe for failure from the get go and I burned out trying to make it work for me.

This clarity didn’t come all at once. It came through the power of small, consistent changes—choosing “one less” over and over again, until I could finally focus on what I cared about.

I care about building connections. I enjoy the deep dive into self-knowledge - the personal journey in life. It's the nuances that keep me curious. The things I notice after a first glance are what draw me in.

Now I tell people that accounting was a detour. I had tried to apply what worked for someone else to my life. It was great advice, but not for me. It wasn’t what I cared about.

Becoming a massage therapist and then growing a coaching practice was like coming home to myself. I had said for years that I wanted to be a personal coach. I wouldn’t have done it without my inner critic giving me the signal - that I tried so hard to out perform - I wasn’t aligned with what I care about.

My inner critic has become a trusted friend. When she shows up I start looking for what I care about. Her tone is much kinder and playful since I began acknowledging her signals. And I approach her criticism with more curiosity.

This shift has changed everything.

What About You?

What’s one small, critical thought you could let go of today using the One Less Method?

Where could you extend grace yourself today?

What is something that you notice for the first time about criticism?

Your inner critic doesn’t have to control your life. With the right tools and small, intentional changes, you can move from self-criticism to self-compassion—and connect with what matters most to you.

Keep shining! Julie

When you’re ready…