Recently, I was playing golf with a friend. We were standing on the final hole, looking across a canal that separated the fairway from the green.

My friend looked at me and said, "At this hole, you're always worried about hitting it in the water."

I chuckled and immediately responded, "Don't put that on me. That's not what I'm thinking at all. I'm thinking I'm going to hit it right over the canal and land on the green."

A few moments later, I hit my shot. The ball cleared the canal and landed on the far side of the green.

Her ball went directly into the water.

In no way am I a better golfer than she is. She hits many more great shots than I do. But on that hole, on that day, I noticed something that I have seen many times before.

What interested me about that interaction was not where either ball landed. It was the difference in how we were relating to our experience.

When my friend said, "At this hole, you're always worried about hitting it in the water," she was talking about herself. But she wasn't using the word I. She was using the word you.

Most people would dismiss that as a figure of speech. I don't think it is.

As we stood there waiting to hit, I watched her switch out her golf ball. She chose an older ball instead of the one she had been using all day. She forgot a club in her bag and had to go back for it. I do not know exactly what she was thinking or feeling. What I do know is that her attention seemed to be on everything surrounding the shot.

At the same time, my attention was on the shot itself. I saw the canal. I knew it was there. But my focus was on where I wanted the ball to go.

What I noticed was that we were having two different relationships with our experience.

Over the years, I have come to believe that our actions and results are influenced by what is happening inside of us. The world comes at us through our senses. We interpret what we see, hear, and experience. That interpretation influences our emotions, our thoughts, and ultimately our actions.

What stood out to me was that my friend appeared to be trying to solve an internal experience by changing external conditions.

She changed golf balls. She retrieved a forgotten club. She adjusted things around the shot.

Again, none of those actions are inherently wrong. Golfers do those things all the time.

What interested me was the possibility that the real challenge was not the golf ball, the club, or the canal.

The real challenge may have been staying with what she was experiencing inside.

I see this same pattern everywhere. When we feel uncertain, we gather more information. When we feel overwhelmed, we make another plan. When we feel uncomfortable, we try to change the circumstances. When we feel stuck, we look for a better strategy.

Sometimes those things help. But often they are attempts to solve an internal experience by changing something external.

This is where the distinction between you and I becomes important.

The words we use reveal how we relate to our experience.

Over the years, I have noticed that many people unconsciously use the word you when they are talking about themselves.

"You end up doing everything yourself."

"You get overwhelmed."

"You never know what to do."

"You feel stuck."

They are talking about themselves, but they are describing their experience from a distance.

Compare that to:

"I do everything myself."

"I feel overwhelmed."

"I don't know what to do."

"I feel stuck."

The difference is ownership. Not ownership in the sense of blame. Ownership in the sense of awareness.

The moment we switch from I to you, we create a small amount of distance between ourselves and our experience. The problem is that we cannot influence an experience we are disconnected from.

You Cannot Change What You Do Not Claim

If I am disconnected from what I am thinking, feeling, believing, or experiencing, I have very little ability to work with it.

But when I stay connected to my experience, I gain the ability to influence my actions. And my actions influence my results.

This is the foundation of the work I do inside The Sovereign Self Academy — specifically through a framework I call the Four Layers of Liberation. The premise is simple: the results we get are determined by the actions we take, our actions are influenced by our inner experience, and our inner experience is shaped by deeper patterns most of us have never examined. If we want to create lasting change, we have to develop a relationship with what is happening inside of us.

That relationship begins with awareness. And awareness begins with ownership.

So this week, listen to your language.

Notice when you are talking about yourself. Notice when you use the word you instead of I.

Then ask yourself a simple question: Am I distancing myself from my experience, or am I owning it?

Because here is what I know to be true. You cannot change what you will not claim. And the moment you say I instead of you, something shifts. The distance collapses. The experience becomes yours again.

And that is the moment real change becomes possible.

​Keep shining! Julie​