Most of us do our best to stop people from crying! And it’s really a disservice to everyone.

Recently, I witnessed two people crying within two days. **

The first person was someone I have known for a long time and has hired me in the past. They reached out and wanted help sorting through a specific situation they had just experienced.

They had tried to unpack it on their own, like most of us do. I know I’m guilty of trying to do things on my own too.

They wanted help unpacking why they keep repeating a pattern that ends with them being completely exhausted and full of self-doubt.

We worked through the details of their experience - the way they approach this situation, the self-talk, the emotions and all the other nuances that they experienced when they are exhausted and full of self-doubt.

They were spinning out in the story, rehashing details and questioning themselves. They were full of anguish and it felt heavy. They asked, “Why do I continue to do this? I say yes without even thinking about it. Then I make myself sick trying to get it done.”

I heard the defeat in their voice. And I felt the sadness and isolation of trying to do it all on their own. It was heavy.

The second experience was different but just as profound.

For the last five or more years a close friend and I have committed to having a weekly zoom call. We have processed a lot of life together - big breakups, breakthroughs, loss and growth.

They are going through the stage of life of caring for an aging parent. They are waking up to the process of aging and the amount of care it takes to support someone at this stage in their life. For example, one doctor’s appointment leads to more things to watch for, further testing and multiple things to follow up on. It takes a lot of time, energy and attention.

My friend was just sharing the details and I could sense that she was mentally sorting through that experience of caring for her mother as she nears the end of her life.

So how did I make both of them cry?

I let them talk. I listened. I waited for the point when they had gotten all of their thoughts out at this moment. Then I asked, “Would you be willing to do something?”

I said. “Place your hand on your heart and say something nice to yourself.”

The first one acknowledged that they didn’t know what to say. I suggested, “It’s okay sweetheart.” The moment was frozen in time.

They were barely breathing. I couldn’t see their face but I could feel that this was very deep for them. I could feel the tears rolling down their face over the phone. I stayed with them in that frozen energy. Reminding them, “I’m right here.”

After a long pause, they took a deep breath, followed by a loud exhale. The sound of letting go and coming up for air.

The second one I watched their face change as if it was contorted by a mix of deep emotions. No tears but the body was crying.

The thing is these moments don’t last long. I would say that both of these deep moments lasted for less than two or three minutes. But they require an invitation to be in them. It’s important that we can take ourselves there and that we can let someone we trust in there with us.

It is where the healing happens.

It’s so important that we have people in our lives that will hold space for us while we’re sorting through life. We must meet these tender and vulnerable places with love and compassion.

My hope is that you have someone in your life that does this for you. And that you heal yourself so that when you do this for others, it’s not detrimental to you.

Holding space for others is one of the greatest gifts we can offer—and it’s needed now more than ever.

​Keep shining! Julie​

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**Before I sent this newsletter I asked for and received permission to share these stories.